Pet Memorials from the Heart Blog

It’s a time all pet lovers dread: the moment when we must say goodbye to our beloved friend. Occasionally, something happens where we don’t really have the chance to say goodbye like we would like. Other times, though, especially in situations like sickness or old age, we are able to prepare better for that moment. And there are also times when saying goodbye to our pet is unfortunately not just a matter of natural death, but a matter of making a difficult decision.

While euthanizing a pet is certainly not a decision any of us want to make, many people are of the opinion that in certain situations of illness, it is the most humane thing we can do. It’s important to discuss your all options with your veterinarian. He or she is able to give you the best information about what your dog or cat is going through, the pain he/she might be experiencing, and your options at that particular time.

When is it time to make the decision to say goodbye? While no one can really say when that decision is most appropriate for you and your friend, here are a few factors that need to weigh into the decision:

• The animal’s condition is incurable, and the animal is facing a very low quality of life. Sometimes a vet can medicate the pet to make it comfortable, but if the pet is facing a possible extended period of suffering, it might be time to talk to your vet about options.
• You are unable to afford an extended period of medical care for the pet. If you don’t have the financial ability to make sure your pet gets the medical care it needs (and cannot find anyone who does have the ability), it may be inhumane to allow the pet to suffer. Again, discuss your options with your vet.
• The pet’s age is a factor. A younger animal facing a serious health issue has a better chance of a full recovery than an older one—and putting an older animal through the rigors of a difficult treatment might not be advisable and could put the animal in unnecessary pain.

If against all your better wishes, you and your vet determine that it’s time to make that difficult decision, consider staying with your pet during the procedure. While it is a fairly painless procedure for the animal, more veterinarians now allow the owner to be with the pet during its final moments as it goes to sleep, so it does not pass away in completely unfamiliar surroundings.

It is a choice none of us wants to make—but if you must make it, there is no dishonor in choosing to experience the pain of pet loss over making the animal go through continued pain. When it’s time to say goodbye to your pet, however it happens, remember to offer tribute to your friend for a life well-lived.

The grief that accompanies pet loss can often broadside us—we don’t always know how intense it can be until we lose our special friend. It doesn’t occur to many people that because of the bond we form with our pets, losing a pet can be just as traumatic and painful as dealing with the death of a family member. Sometimes we can deal with the grief on our own, but sometimes (just as with any form of grief) we may need some extra help: talking with loved ones, grief counseling, or perhaps a pet loss support group.  If you are struggling with pet loss, and you are unsure whether it’s time to reach out for support, here are a few signs that you might need a little help.

• When you are not functioning. At the time of loss, your normal routine is understandably going to be upset; but when days turn into weeks, and you are not eating, have no energy, or cannot get yourself back into your normal routine, these are signs that you are not properly dealing with the grief.
• When the grief is overwhelming. Sometimes, dealing with the pain yourself is just too much, and you know inside when this is the case.  If you feel you need someone to help you bear the burden, it’s a good bet that you actually do. Listen to your instincts.
• When you are not grieving at all. We don’t want to suggest to what extent each individual should grieve, but if you were close to your pet and feel nothing at its loss, that’s a sign of denial.  It is hard to admit you need help when you are in denial because, well, you are in denial. But if you can be self-aware in this time, understand that feeling nothing might not be a good sign.
• When the pain of the pet loss is not subsiding over time. Again, the timing will be different for everyone, but if you come to a point when you feel you are still hurting and shouldn’t be, there is no shame in reaching out for support.
• Whenever you feel you need it! There is no right or wrong when it comes to getting grief support of any kind. If you want the help, if you feel you need the help—go get the help. It is actually that simple.

When dealing with pet loss, one important thing to remember is that when you deal with grief properly—that is, when you work through it rather than try to get around it—eventually the grief will subside, and you will move toward healing. Reach out for support when you need it; it can only help the process along.

It was barely one month ago that our friends in Joplin, Missouri experienced the single most devastating tornado to hit the United States in over 60 years, killing at least 156 people (according to today’s official count) and doing unspeakable damage.  What is not as widely reported is that the Joplin Humane Society is now sheltering over 900 pets displaced by the storm—pets without homes, many of them recovering from injuries, whose masters have never come to claim them. The Humane Society has made multiple attempts to connect these pets with their owners, but with so many of the Joplin tornado victims simply struggling to find new homes themselves, many of them simply have no choice but to let their animals go.

To that end, the Joplin Humane Society has announced that they will hold an “Adopt-a-Thon” this upcoming weekend, June 25-26, where these unclaimed pets will be given away free to people willing to give them good homes. The pets will be spayed or neutered prior to adoption.

If you have perhaps been unable thus far to send help to tornado victims, but could possibly provide a good home to a displaced pet, this is one small way in which you could help. If you are able to make the trip to Joplin, Missouri this weekend, why not consider giving one of these animals a good home? While the residents of Joplin are still recovering from a major catastrophe (and could use whatever help you could offer), let’s not forget the smaller creatures who now have no home, and no voice.

If you are interested in adopting one of these pets, contact the Joplin Humane Society for more information.

While pet lovers who have lost a pet can fully understand the pain of that pet loss, there are many more beloved animals out there that have to be euthanized without ever having a home. Thankfully, Pet Pardons is now harnessing the power of social networking to help offset the overcrowding of animal shelters, and give at least some of these special friends a chance at life.

Through the Pet Pardons Facebook page and related application, pet lovers can now receive updates on pets who need a home, and pet rescue workers and volunteers can submit adoption candidates that are in danger of being euthanized. This information can now be shared with friends through Facebook in an attempt to connect these pets with possible adoptive parents. Even if fans of the Facebook page are unable to adopt the pets in question, they can always donate to the cause, enabling Pet Pardons to encourage pet rescue and healthy pet control practices.

The concept seems to be working quite well. Of the pets submitted so far, over 2100 have been “pardoned” and given homes, amounting to a rescue rate of over 85%.

We applaud the efforts of Pet Pardons, not only in rescuing these creatures from death, but in helping connect these special friends to pet lovers everywhere.

If you have lost a pet and feel you are ready to consider adopting again, Pet Pardons is a great place to look; go to the Facebook page and consider rescuing one of these pets in need. If you have a Facebook profile and would like to get involved with trying to find homes for these pets, be sure to fan the Facebook page and download the Facebook application.

For most pet owners, the moment is inevitable; because we live longer than our pets, eventually we will have to say goodbye to our pet. It is a moment we know is coming, but dread its arrival. While in some cases there might not be time to prepare for it, in many other cases (e.g., when your dog, cat or bird is old or ill), you have a bit of time.  If you know the day is coming, taking certain steps ahead of time can make the time of grieving less complicated.  The more decisions you make in advance, the easier it will be for you when the time comes. Here are some practical ways you can prepare to say goodbye to your special friend.

1. Talk with your vet about your options. If your pet is terminally ill, discuss with your vet about what point, if at any point, it is appropriate and humane to put the pet down. Discuss what you will do with the body, whether you will handle those details yourself, or let your vet handle it. Will you bury the remains, or cremate them?  Your vet can help talk you through all these decisions.
2. Make memorial arrangements in advance.  If you know you want a memorial service, it is perfectly appropriate to plan for it. Some funeral homes now even offer memorial services for pets. Decide if you want your pet to be cremated, or buried in a pet cemetery.
3. Decide on an appropriate pet memorial. Do you want a grave marker, or do you want a pet urn? You can even make advance decisions about creative pet memorials, as well. For example, you can pre-order a limited edition art piece from our Loving Hearts Tribute Series, and we will set it aside for you.
4. Talk with family members and loved ones. This is especially important if you are not alone in your loss. If it is a family pet, the children should also be somewhat prepared. Be as gentle as possible, but talking about it in advance helps everyone involved to get ready for the inevitable.

No one wants to say goodbye to their special friend, but death is part of life. If you are able to make certain preparations in advance, saying goodbye to a pet can be, in its own way, a celebration of life. Process the grief when the day comes, and move toward healing.

It turns out June is a month to celebrate and advocate for pets in several ways.

The entire month of June is “Adopt a Shelter Cat Month,” encouraging people to provide homes for the many cats and kittens that make their way into animal shelters, especially this time of year when so many kittens are born. (Over 80 percent of cats in shelters never find a home, and many are euthanized.)

There are also two specific days in June that honor our beloved friends. June 24 is “Take Your Dog to Work Day,” encouraging pet friendliness.  But perhaps most significant for us at Loving Hearts is June 12, which was World Pet Memorial Day, a worldwide observance of the need to honor and pay tribute to our pets that have been lost.

The fact that there is a day named in honor of pet memorials is evidence of the growing awareness around the world that pet loss is a significant trauma to those who have experienced it, and that honoring our pets is a legitimate way to acknowledge the impact they had on our lives, and to help with the healing process. This is something we’ve known for a long time, but it is encouraging to see that more people are becoming aware.

World Pet Memorial Day has already happened this year, but it is not too late for you to observe it. If you know someone who has lost a beloved pet this past year, why not consider giving a pet memorial gift this month? If you have lost a pet and feel you are ready for another, why not consider adopting a cat from a shelter?

And don’t forget to take your dog to work on Friday, June 24.

You have dealt with the loss of your special friend; you have had the memorial service, processed the grief, perhaps utilized a support group dealing with pet loss; perhaps you have even memorialized your pet with one of the Loving Hearts Tribute Series memorial paintings. Even though no other pet could fill the void of this loss, most pet lovers eventually begin thinking about getting another dog, cat or bird. When is it an appropriate time to get another pet?

There is no one-size-fits-all answer to this question; everyone processes grief differently, and everyone feels differently about this issue. Some people immediately want a new pet, while others feel like some passage of time is appropriate.  Here are just a few guidelines, a few signs that maybe you are ready to consider adopting a new friend.

• When you have some closure for your loss.  One reason why some people feel a waiting period is important between pets is because it is neither fair to you nor to your new pet to adopt a pet in an attempt to fill the hole left by the last one. Each pet is different, just like humans are different, and your new friend deserves to be valued individually, not as a replacement.  When you feel you can truly let go of the pet that is lost, and say goodbye, it is a step in the right direction toward getting another pet.
• When you begin to remember the fond memories more than the loss. Over time, the pain of losing a pet begins to subside, and your memories will be more about the good times you shared with your special friend, and less about losing him/her. This is a sign that you are recovering from the grief, and can be a sign that it’s a good time to get another pet.
• When you feel you are free to love a new pet for the creature he/she is. In other words, when you feel confident that you can accept a new pet on its own terms, rather than simply filling a void left by the loss of the previous one—when you feel ready to embark on a brand-new journey of friendship with a new friend—it’s a good time to consider getting a new pet.

As we said earlier, there is no cut-and-dried formula for this.  Despite our advice here, the most important sign that you are ready to get another pet is when you feel you are ready. Whether that time comes sooner or later is up to your preferences; only you can ultimately make that determination.

When you lose a beloved pet, you may discover that like many people, you could use a little help dealing with pet loss and with the accompanying grief. There is no shame in this—after all, we form a bond with our pets that is often very similar to bonds we form with friends or family, and the grief of loss can be just as painful.

Thankfully, more and more people are becoming aware of the need for support for those who have lost a pet, and more resources are now available for pet owners than ever before.  However, sometimes we don’t know where to look for that support, even though it is out there.  For example, there might be a pet loss support group meeting a few blocks away from your house, but you can’t participate in it if you don’t know it is there!  That being said, if you’re looking for some sort of extra support during your time of loss, here are a few helpful websites to help point you in the right direction.

The Association for Pet Loss and Bereavement. This is a non-profit organization of pet bereavement volunteers, offering lots of great resources on their website, including helpful articles, special events, live chat rooms, and a growing directory of pet loss support groups and counselors. If you’re in the dark about where to turn for help, this is a great place to start.

Pet-Loss.net. Another site with resources such as articles on pet loss, as well as a directory of support groups, counselors and pet cemeteries.

Delta Society. A non-profit organization exploring the human-animal bond through facilitating service and therapy animals, the Delta Society also has an extensive pet loss section with articles, tribute pages, and directories of pet cemeteries, grief counselors and support groups.

Lightning Strike. Another site offering “lightning-fast” support to bereaved owners through forums, blogs, chat rooms and other resources.

When going through pet loss, it’s important to remember that you don’t have to go through it alone. If you need help, these and other resources are available to you.

While there are many pet lovers out there (over half of American households have a pet), many people still do not understand the bond that happens between human and animal. That is why we sometimes do not understand the grief others feel when they lose a pet, and if we’re the one suffering the loss, we often don’t even understand our own grief. One of the most common emotions people feel with pet loss is guilt—not just guilt over how they might have prevented the loss, but guilt over feeling so bad in the first place.

The reason we feel that guilt is that we don’t understand the bond between human and animal. It’s a real bond, and it is very strong. It’s something science struggles to explain; in fact, there are researchers and organizations out there who devote their entire attention to studying this bond. For example, the Center for the Human-Animal Bond at the veterinary school at Purdue University has this to say:

“Human-animal interaction has profound physiological consequences. People, in the contact with animals experience a decrease in blood pressure, reduced anxiety, and a general feeling of well being. By observing the behavior of animals, children learn to be more nurturing and perhaps better parents to their own children. The therapeutic value of animals for socially isolated individuals in nursing homes, hospitals, hospices, and prisons has been documented. People in the presence of animals are often perceived to be more happy and healthy.”

While we may not always communicate with our animals to the same level that we communicate with other humans, the emotional connection we have with our pets is part of that bond between human and animal. When we lose a pet, that bond is broken, and causes us pain in ways that we can’t easily explain.

While we can’t often verbalize the bond we have with our pets—and we wouldn’t even start trying to explain it on this blog—the fact that the bond exists is enough for us to understand that our feelings of grief are legitimate when we lose a pet.

We started the Loving Hearts Tribute Series because while we don’t know all the dynamics of the bond between human and animal, we do recognize that when that bond is broken, we need something to help with the healing process. We know what it’s like to lose a pet, and we know the healing that memorial artwork can bring on that emotional level. There’s something about processing our grief with memorial art that helps us get past the pain of breaking the human-animal bond.

While there are many legitimate ways to deal with pet loss, one thing that many owners find very therapeutic is to create some sort of pet tribute or memorial.  While some might not understand the significance of this, for those who have lost a pet, the importance of pet tributes can’t be understated. Here are just a few reasons why.

1. Pet tributes are a way of giving thanks. A pet is a gift, and the time we have with our pets is a gift.  It is customary to give thanks for a gift that is given.  By honoring our pets with some form of tribute, we are essentially offering thanks—acknowledging that we were given a special gift in the life of our pet, and in the unconditional love given to us by that pet.
2. Pet tributes are a way to bring closure. When we lose a pet, or any other loved one for that matter, we sometimes need something special to help us close the chapter.  It’s a bittersweet thing, but we must somehow acknowledge that our friend is gone before we can move on to the next season of our lives.  In this way, the tribute is as much for our sakes as it is for the pet.
3. Pet tributes are a way to remember. As much as we may feel grief in the moment, eventually the grief will subside, leaving us with more of the fond memories of our pet’s life. Pet tributes should look beyond the immediacy of death and be a celebration of life.  They remind us of the great times we had.

There are many different ways we can offer tribute for the life of our pet. In memorial services, for example, we might say a eulogy or recite a special poem. We can set up a special tribute website, and there are many websites that offer this service.  For something a little more permanent, we can commission a special work of art, such as the Loving Hearts Tribute Series. All of these are valid pet tributes, and all of them are important ways that we can process the grief and move toward healing.