Pet Memorials from the Heart Blog

When we bond with a dog, cat or bird, it is understandably traumatic when we have to say goodbye to that beloved pet. However, for pets who are part of a larger family, there is also the question of helping the children deal with the pet loss, as well. Children are at different stages of development and understanding, and often do not have the mental development to cope with loss the way grown-ups do. How do you help children process the loss of a family pet?

Just like every adult, every child will have his/her own way of dealing with pet grief and loss, but speaking very generally, children over the age of ten have enough of a grasp on the concept of death that they will usually process the grief in similar manner to an adult. For children under ten years of age, reactions can range from detachment to self-blame to bedwetting and changes in eating/sleeping habits. For younger children (age 2-3) who lack an understanding of death, it might be fairly simple to get the child past the concept of death, and a young child might even do well with a replacement pet fairly soon after. Children from 4-10 may have a tougher time with the misconceptions surrounding death (for example, they might feel they caused the death, or they might fear that death is contagious).  In rare cases, grief counseling might be an option.

If you have a child who is also dealing with the loss of your beloved pet, the important thing is to watch and listen to your child to know how to respond. While each case is different (and while we wouldn’t pretend to offer expert advice on this subject), here are a few common-sense tips to help a child through the process:

1. Talk with your child. Don’t be afraid to speak plainly on the subject of death, and of the loss of the pet. Calmly answer any questions the child has about death, no matter how morbid. (This child is processing loss, and deserves the same considerations as you.)
2. Since children can’t always verbalize what they feel, sometimes inviting the child draw and color will help them process their feelings.
3. Involve the child in pet memorials, rather than excluding them. Creating pet memorials can be as much of an agent of healing for children as it is for adults.
4. Get help for your child if he/she is not processing the grief well. There is no shame in seeking counseling (for you or for your child) if you feel that either of you is not coping as you should.

While many pet memorials follow a fairly standard or conventional approach, some people opt to get more creative in the ways they memorialize their pets. Does it really make a difference which type of pet memorial you choose to honor your special friend, or to comfort a friend who has lost a dog, cat, bird or other pet?

First, let’s differentiate a bit between conventional and creative pet memorials. Conventional memorials would be include the actions and items you would typically expect to see associated with the passing of a pet, or of a person for that matter. Examples of conventional pet memorials might include memorial services, eulogies, grave markers, pet urns, etc. Memorial gifts might also include flowers, live plants, sympathy cards, or a donation to a charity in the pet’s honor.

Creative pet memorials, for lack of a better definition, are those types of actions or items that not everyone automatically thinks of, and for that reason usually carry a more special type of meaning to the person who lost the pet. Examples of creative pet memorials can include commemorative jewelry (often containing the pet’s ashes/fur), memorial art boxes, online memorials, commissioned artwork, and the like. (Of course, the Loving Hearts Tribute Series also comes under the heading of creative pet memorials.)

So which is a better pet memorial? Conventional or creative? That depends entirely on you, what type of person you are, and which type of memorial carries more meaning for you. If you are a more traditional type of person, someone who responds well to traditional types of observances and ceremonies, it is quite possible that conventional pet memorials will do quite well for you and help you bring you the closure you need. If, however, you lean more toward the artistic or feel things on a deep emotional level; if you feel an exceptional amount of grief over the loss of the pet; if you are the type of person who feels like grave markers and pet urns would only remind you of your grief rather than help bring healing; or if you just feel like you need more than the traditional observances to help you process the loss; then you might look at more creative types of pet memorials.

Whichever type of memorial you choose—conventional or creative—what’s most important is the meaning it brings for you, rather than the format itself. There is no real right or wrong when it comes to honoring your pet—except, of course, to deny your own heart.

The subject of when (or if) to euthanize a pet that is terminally ill or in chronic pain is a touchy one for many. In previous posts, we’ve talked a bit about consulting your veterinarian about situations in which putting your pet to sleep might be the most humane thing to do; however, it’s also important to look at the other side of things, because a lot of veterinarians now offer pet hospice care as an alternative to euthanasia—and some vets even specialize in hospice care.

Pet hospice care works much the same way as hospice for humans; terminally ill pets are given extended care intended to strengthen the quality of life during their last days. In many cases, the pet can receive hospice care while remaining at home with his/her owner.

As with any end-of-life choice, there are pros and cons to pet hospice care. On the plus side, hospice offers families the chance to spend time with the pet, to cope with the idea of impending death, and to say goodbye. Additionally, a veterinarian who offers hospice care is likely to be very compassionate, and while there are exceptions (and you should certainly research any pet hospice facility before placing your pet there), there’s a very good chance that your beloved friend will certainly receive compassionate, humane treatment during his/her final days.

On the negative side, extended care for a pet can be costly (and unless you carry some sort of insurance for your pet, you will absorb the expense). Additionally, there are times when the best care cannot alleviate the suffering of the dog, cat, bird or other animal, and the animal’s quality of life cannot be improved—at which point, you might want to address the question again with your vet as to whether it is humane to try to keep the animal alive.

So which choice is right for you and your pet in circumstances like these? Only you and your vet can make those decisions, and they are admittedly not easy ones to make. If you and your vet feel a pet’s quality of life could be improved through hospice care, or if you have a strong moral or emotional conviction against euthanizing a pet, then pet hospice may be a good alternative for you and your special friend.

For more information on pet hospice, visit www.pethospice.org.

If you are a pet owner and pet lover, unless you have a pet like a tortoise or parrot that can outlive you, chances are you have dealt with, or will deal with, pet loss. Many pet lovers go through this numerous times throughout their own lives, simply because we live longer than most of our pets. Going through it multiple times doesn’t necessarily make it easier, though. If you have recently lost a pet, perhaps for the first time, you might be wondering: how long does this pain last? How long will it take me to recover from pet loss?

Unfortunately, there is no clear-cut answer to this question. Every person is different, and we all recover at our own pace. The good news about this is that if it’s taking longer than you think it should for you to get over the grief of losing your pet, there are probably plenty of others like you—and you are likely just as normal as the guy who got over it in a week or two. The bad news is, because the response range is so varied, it can be harder to determine whether you are actually recovering, and whether you might need a little help in your recovery.

Perhaps the best litmus test to know if you are recovering “on schedule” (whatever that looks like) is this: you should feel like you are making progress, like you are moving forward. It might hurt for awhile, and continue hurting; but if you find yourself unable to function in normal life—or on the other end of the spectrum, if you find yourself being manic with activity to avoid grieving—chances are you are hijacking the grieving process, and you might need to seek a support group or counseling to help you deal with the pet loss. You might still be making normal progress, but it might be helpful to have a few additional sets of caring eyes upon you, just to make sure you’re keeping things in perspective.

One helpful way to assist in processing grief can be to create or commission some sort of pet memorial—something tangible to help you say goodbye, to acknowledge the loss, to celebrate the life of your pet and to honor his/her memory. This is exactly what the Loving Hearts Tribute Series was created for.

Regardless of how long it takes to recover from pet loss, the important thing is that you move through the grief, rather than stay in it. Eventually you will move forward. A good sign that this is happening is if you can begin to remember your pet without those painful emotions, or if you begin to feel ready to adopt again.

August 11, 2011 is “National Homeless Animal Day,” a day dedicated to raise awareness of the many animals (mainly dogs and cats) who do not have homes. A great many animals born in this country never have a home, and wind up being destroyed out of sheer overpopulation of the area shelters. Many others are abandoned by people who are unable or unwilling to take care of them.

Thankfully, there are a couple of very good ways we as individuals can help the situation, and this is the time of year to become aware:

ADOPT A PET

This is the obvious answer to “How can I help?”. If you have perhaps lost a pet recently and are ready to adopt again, there is not a better time of year to do so. Seemingly in anticipation of August 11, animal shelters around the country are already holding “pet adoption days” and “adopt-a-thons” to help generate interest. (Philadelphia’s SPCA offered free pet adoptions the weekend of July 16-17; Phoenix will reduce adoption fees this weekend, July 30, at their “Empty the Shelter Adopt-a-Thon.”) Check with your local pet rescue clinic or animal shelter for similar promotions, or check one of the national pet location agencies such as petfinder.com or adoptapet.com.

HAVE YOUR PET SPAYED OR NEUTERED

Unless you breed animals (and if you do, you should be doing so humanely and by correct standards), consider having your pet spayed or neutered. At this point, one of the best ways to prevent animal homelessness is to reduce overpopulation. Be responsible for your pet, and prevent unwanted breeding, so more animals don’t wind up in the shelters. If you don’t spay or neuter your pet, be certain you can provide a good home for any births that occur as a result.

Our pets are a gift, and we need to help raise awareness of the plight of these animals. Do your part, not just in honor of August 11, but all year long.

Whether it be a dog, cat, bird or other animal, the life of a pet is a gift, and the time we are given with that pet is a gift. When we lose that beloved friend, sometimes the best memorial we can offer is to tell the story of our pet—to share with others about the blessing that our pet was to us, to recount fond memories with others who knew him/her—to relive the good times, the funny things, the favorite moments we shared with that pet. Not only does doing this honor the pet’s memory, but it can also help us with the healing process and dealing with the grief.

There are many ways to tell the story of your pet. There are websites online that offer the ability to create a memorial page where you can share about your pet; or it can be as simple as sharing a funny story with friends around the fire. The Loving Hearts Tribute Series can play a rather unique role in the telling of your pet’s story. Because our pet memorial artwork is heart-themed and abstract, it tells the story more on an emotional level than with specific details. The beauty of abstract art is that it speaks to people on a non-verbal level, and different people can see and interpret different things within it. Our art pieces speak specifically and personally about your pet because his/her ashes or fur is included in the final coat—and yet it is presented subtly, so when you display it in your home, people won’t necessarily know what the painting is saying unless you clue them in. And of course, having a Loving Hearts Tribute painting in honor of your pet gives you the opportunity to share the story of your pet with people as they admire the painting.

What is your pet’s story? What are your favorite memories? We invite you to memorialize your pet by telling the story. If you’d like to tell us about your pet, please feel free to share briefly in the comments section below.

It’s a time all pet lovers dread: the moment when we must say goodbye to our beloved friend. Occasionally, something happens where we don’t really have the chance to say goodbye like we would like. Other times, though, especially in situations like sickness or old age, we are able to prepare better for that moment. And there are also times when saying goodbye to our pet is unfortunately not just a matter of natural death, but a matter of making a difficult decision.

While euthanizing a pet is certainly not a decision any of us want to make, many people are of the opinion that in certain situations of illness, it is the most humane thing we can do. It’s important to discuss your all options with your veterinarian. He or she is able to give you the best information about what your dog or cat is going through, the pain he/she might be experiencing, and your options at that particular time.

When is it time to make the decision to say goodbye? While no one can really say when that decision is most appropriate for you and your friend, here are a few factors that need to weigh into the decision:

• The animal’s condition is incurable, and the animal is facing a very low quality of life. Sometimes a vet can medicate the pet to make it comfortable, but if the pet is facing a possible extended period of suffering, it might be time to talk to your vet about options.
• You are unable to afford an extended period of medical care for the pet. If you don’t have the financial ability to make sure your pet gets the medical care it needs (and cannot find anyone who does have the ability), it may be inhumane to allow the pet to suffer. Again, discuss your options with your vet.
• The pet’s age is a factor. A younger animal facing a serious health issue has a better chance of a full recovery than an older one—and putting an older animal through the rigors of a difficult treatment might not be advisable and could put the animal in unnecessary pain.

If against all your better wishes, you and your vet determine that it’s time to make that difficult decision, consider staying with your pet during the procedure. While it is a fairly painless procedure for the animal, more veterinarians now allow the owner to be with the pet during its final moments as it goes to sleep, so it does not pass away in completely unfamiliar surroundings.

It is a choice none of us wants to make—but if you must make it, there is no dishonor in choosing to experience the pain of pet loss over making the animal go through continued pain. When it’s time to say goodbye to your pet, however it happens, remember to offer tribute to your friend for a life well-lived.

The grief that accompanies pet loss can often broadside us—we don’t always know how intense it can be until we lose our special friend. It doesn’t occur to many people that because of the bond we form with our pets, losing a pet can be just as traumatic and painful as dealing with the death of a family member. Sometimes we can deal with the grief on our own, but sometimes (just as with any form of grief) we may need some extra help: talking with loved ones, grief counseling, or perhaps a pet loss support group.  If you are struggling with pet loss, and you are unsure whether it’s time to reach out for support, here are a few signs that you might need a little help.

• When you are not functioning. At the time of loss, your normal routine is understandably going to be upset; but when days turn into weeks, and you are not eating, have no energy, or cannot get yourself back into your normal routine, these are signs that you are not properly dealing with the grief.
• When the grief is overwhelming. Sometimes, dealing with the pain yourself is just too much, and you know inside when this is the case.  If you feel you need someone to help you bear the burden, it’s a good bet that you actually do. Listen to your instincts.
• When you are not grieving at all. We don’t want to suggest to what extent each individual should grieve, but if you were close to your pet and feel nothing at its loss, that’s a sign of denial.  It is hard to admit you need help when you are in denial because, well, you are in denial. But if you can be self-aware in this time, understand that feeling nothing might not be a good sign.
• When the pain of the pet loss is not subsiding over time. Again, the timing will be different for everyone, but if you come to a point when you feel you are still hurting and shouldn’t be, there is no shame in reaching out for support.
• Whenever you feel you need it! There is no right or wrong when it comes to getting grief support of any kind. If you want the help, if you feel you need the help—go get the help. It is actually that simple.

When dealing with pet loss, one important thing to remember is that when you deal with grief properly—that is, when you work through it rather than try to get around it—eventually the grief will subside, and you will move toward healing. Reach out for support when you need it; it can only help the process along.

It was barely one month ago that our friends in Joplin, Missouri experienced the single most devastating tornado to hit the United States in over 60 years, killing at least 156 people (according to today’s official count) and doing unspeakable damage.  What is not as widely reported is that the Joplin Humane Society is now sheltering over 900 pets displaced by the storm—pets without homes, many of them recovering from injuries, whose masters have never come to claim them. The Humane Society has made multiple attempts to connect these pets with their owners, but with so many of the Joplin tornado victims simply struggling to find new homes themselves, many of them simply have no choice but to let their animals go.

To that end, the Joplin Humane Society has announced that they will hold an “Adopt-a-Thon” this upcoming weekend, June 25-26, where these unclaimed pets will be given away free to people willing to give them good homes. The pets will be spayed or neutered prior to adoption.

If you have perhaps been unable thus far to send help to tornado victims, but could possibly provide a good home to a displaced pet, this is one small way in which you could help. If you are able to make the trip to Joplin, Missouri this weekend, why not consider giving one of these animals a good home? While the residents of Joplin are still recovering from a major catastrophe (and could use whatever help you could offer), let’s not forget the smaller creatures who now have no home, and no voice.

If you are interested in adopting one of these pets, contact the Joplin Humane Society for more information.

While pet lovers who have lost a pet can fully understand the pain of that pet loss, there are many more beloved animals out there that have to be euthanized without ever having a home. Thankfully, Pet Pardons is now harnessing the power of social networking to help offset the overcrowding of animal shelters, and give at least some of these special friends a chance at life.

Through the Pet Pardons Facebook page and related application, pet lovers can now receive updates on pets who need a home, and pet rescue workers and volunteers can submit adoption candidates that are in danger of being euthanized. This information can now be shared with friends through Facebook in an attempt to connect these pets with possible adoptive parents. Even if fans of the Facebook page are unable to adopt the pets in question, they can always donate to the cause, enabling Pet Pardons to encourage pet rescue and healthy pet control practices.

The concept seems to be working quite well. Of the pets submitted so far, over 2100 have been “pardoned” and given homes, amounting to a rescue rate of over 85%.

We applaud the efforts of Pet Pardons, not only in rescuing these creatures from death, but in helping connect these special friends to pet lovers everywhere.

If you have lost a pet and feel you are ready to consider adopting again, Pet Pardons is a great place to look; go to the Facebook page and consider rescuing one of these pets in need. If you have a Facebook profile and would like to get involved with trying to find homes for these pets, be sure to fan the Facebook page and download the Facebook application.